Autumn leaves….
Didn’t realize when exactly my late night black coffee mug turned into a pale, chilled glass of a white wine!
Though it took long time to change its formation from H2O to (-OH), but it’s getting difficult to get back to caffeine because it reacted in a very different way.
There was a time when black coffee used to hold my mind and now wine helps me to lose my mind! I used to think that losing my mind will help me to recollect every pieces of my broken heart but that time I didn’t realize that the more I was trying to collect the broken pieces the more I was hurting myself and the cut was getting deeper each time!
People say self realization is a big thing! But as far as my experience is saying there’s nothing more heartbreaking than a self realization where you exactly know the faults, but there’s no way you can change it or fix it. That’s the point when I start looking back from the time i have started losing my mind and that’s gave me a huge sock which i never expect!
It changed me! Me, as a person, I became totally something different which is now hard for me to explain because I also even don’t know me. I realize things got changed a lot in front of my eyes only but i never noticed or I didn’t want to see because I was busy losing my mind to heal my wounds! I didn’t realize how my each nature was changing just like an autumn leaf which was green for so long and was not that much eye catching because it was looking just like an another leaf but then suddenly it starts changing its color and became more prettier and brighter and start making people wonder how beautiful it is! Everything was so beautiful and perfect so it didn’t realize this sudden change in it and by the time it got to know that winter is knocking the door it was too late to get back to green or its previous time! Slowly it starts getting pale too! Leaf peepers are also gone because leaf already lost its beauty and now it has only one choice to wait for those winter chilled breeze which will take away all the leaves and will cover the whole tree with the snow and there will be no sign for those leaves anymore! Even those leaf peepers who were so amazed with its beauty will also forget about it and will wait again for the next season leaves! That’s how it got replaced so quickly and easily before realizing anything about it!!
I wish life has also a undo button!
Now I get depressed so quickly because things are not the way I expected and I feel such a mess! Some mess I can’t even fix anymore and that make me feel grumpy. I can feel that m losing interest on everything slowly because I don’t find anything interesting anymore. Even m losing interest on talking to pep too! But sometimes I feel like I wanna talk so much but then I don’t understand what should I talk about! I sometimes feel like the relationship with my close pep is also getting pale every day. I mean now I can just sit back and listen to you without thinking anything! Your words will only cross my mind but won’t effect. Maybe now it’s time for me to make my life again interesting before it gets too late when I can’t even recognize myself!!