Autumn leaves….

Didn’t realize when exactly my late night black coffee mug turned into a pale, chilled glass of a white wine!
Though it took long time to change its formation from H2O to (-OH), but it’s getting difficult to get back to caffeine because it reacted in a very different way.
There was a time when black coffee used to hold my mind and now wine helps me to lose my mind! I used to think that losing my mind will help me to recollect every pieces of my broken heart but that time I didn’t realize that the more I was trying to collect the broken pieces the more I was hurting myself and the cut was getting deeper each time!
People say self realization is a big thing! But as far as my experience is saying there’s nothing more heartbreaking than a self realization where you exactly know the faults, but there’s no way you can change it or fix it. That’s the point when I start looking back from the time i have started losing my mind and that’s gave me a huge sock which i never expect!
It changed me! Me, as a person, I became totally something different which is now hard for me to explain because I also even don’t know me. I realize things got changed a lot in front of my eyes only but i never noticed or I didn’t want to see because I was busy losing my mind to heal my wounds! I didn’t realize how my each nature was changing just like an autumn leaf which was green for so long and was not that much eye catching because it was looking just like an another leaf but then suddenly it starts changing its color and became more prettier and brighter and start making people wonder how beautiful it is! Everything was so beautiful and perfect so it didn’t realize this sudden change in it and by the time it got to know that winter is knocking the door it was too late to get back to green or its previous time! Slowly it starts getting pale too! Leaf peepers are also gone because leaf already lost its beauty and now it has only one choice to wait for those winter chilled breeze which will take away all the leaves and will cover the whole tree with the snow and there will be no sign for those leaves anymore! Even those leaf peepers who were so amazed with its beauty will also forget about it and will wait again for the next season leaves! That’s how it got replaced so quickly and easily before realizing anything about it!!
I wish life has also a undo button!
Now I get depressed so quickly because things are not the way I expected and I feel such a mess! Some mess I can’t even fix anymore and that make me feel grumpy. I can feel that m losing interest on everything slowly because I don’t find anything interesting anymore. Even m losing interest on talking to pep too! But sometimes I feel like I wanna talk so much but then I don’t understand what should I talk about! I sometimes feel like the relationship with my close pep is also getting pale every day. I mean now I can just sit back and listen to you without thinking anything! Your words will only cross my mind but won’t effect. Maybe now it’s time for me to make my life again interesting before it gets too late when I can’t even recognize myself!!

Random Thoughts…

You made me, not only me the person but also my soul!

You taught me how to LAUGH on every silly or stupid thing without caring about what others are thinking. You taught me how to LOVE not only by physically but by mentally also, the way you used to make love was precious and meaningful so that it can touches my heart, soul directly and that was your target! You taught me how to LIVE my life because the way I used to live my life before meeting you was just a life, not living the life! You taught me how to DREAM with OPEN EYES and see its success. You only built each thing with lots of hope and dreams…

But look at now, I am laughing but not the way you taught me because those silly things are not at all funny anymore without your physical presence!

I am loving but not the way you taught me because all those way was applicable only for you! Reason of all that madness, smiles was just YOU!

I am living my life also but in a very different way because the way you taught me was only applicable till the time you were there to control it and drag it in the track! But now it’s became fun to go out of track, because being in track reminds you!!

I am dreaming, but how I will dream again when I have already dreamed of something with you… but still I dream, with CLOSED EYES!!

Finally you only made me, but in a very different way which we never thought of….!!

 

DARKNESS…

 

People say each time we broke up, we made our heart-broken. But it’s not for broke up; it’s for missing that attachment, that string which built up a bridge between two human mentalities!

Now at this moment we are only concern about break up, we only blame our partner, for whom our heart got broken, but we never look at ourselves, our mistakes, we never thought that, we only we gave that permission to that person and that’s why that person got that opportunity to break our heart. It’s just like we were more concerned and busy about that person, and we just forgot our existence. As far as you are concerned about that person, you can see that person, your hand can touch that person, your mind can think about that person, but you don’t observe yourself!

Your situation is “just like the darkness under the lamp-post, the light shines everywhere, except directly under itself!”

So stop blaming on God or on others and try to look at yourself, try to find out the light of your own inner lamp, which shines all around — except on you! You just move in all directions everywhere in that light, but the main thing remains unseen. Try to discover that thing which is none other than you!

The moment you will discover yourself, you will stop blaming that person for whom your heart got broken! More over you will feel thankful to that person; because of that person only you have started find out the inner light in you. And the moment this feeling has crystallized in you, your heart is no more broken!

UNREAL DREAMS…

Have you ever feel that someone or something has become so meaningless for you which used to mean a lot!!

One day if something or someone has become false or meaningless for you, then there will be no point of run away from it, no point of escaping to a cave in the Himalayas to believe that all those relationships are still real to you, no point of thinking that they have not yet lost their meaning for you!

Just like when you wake up someday in the morning, you don’t run away from your house just because in the night you had a dream there, and that turned out to be false. The moment you realize that the dream was false, the matter is over then and there. So at that time you think what is there to run away from it?

But still there are some people who are running away from their families, relationships. This very desire to escape only shows that they may have heard somewhere that dreams are unreal, but it’s not their own experience!

So try not to run away from it, because no one has ever been able to become FREE just by running away!

SPARKS!!

I don’t know what more hurts, by seeing you with her, holding her hands and walking in the same path or knowing that you have already shared all those secrets with her which we once shared…

People will say there is no point of thinking all these anymore and all but they will never say how to remember something which you didn’t know ever! It’s that much difficult to replace!

At this stage you will be nothing else but just like a sparkling star in the sky which will look tiny from far,  when someone will try to come closer to that star it will show its hidden demons in it and you will really feel the fire inside it!

BLACK STONE

People say letting things go is easier than holding it but there are few things in our life which if you want then also can’t let it go as it won’t go from you only. Maybe physically it will go but will leave its mark of presence which won’t leave you ever in your life!

As we say life goes on, so with that mark even you will also move on each time from your last states of mind and someday you will find something different which will fit on that mark exactly like the way u will feel like it was made to be covering this mark only! The  moment you will find that cover for that mark don’t let it go anymore from you, try to hold it on and put it on that mark so that it can totally cover it up and can give it a new glory look which was an UNPOLISHED DIAMOND!

So without wasting your time on living with that mark And those memories with it, try to find out that cover which will make that simple stone as a diamond and the only thing you have to do is to put light on it so that it can shine each time more and more brighter than before to give you the direction of your life!

 

A Known Stranger…

#3^rd part:

Walking with a broken dream feels like your body is separate from the soul, it’s like you are following your daily schedule but at the end of the day somewhere you are incomplete. You are just feeling frustrated, and you are just so irritated with your surrounding! You feel like you want to stay alone, just want to spend some times with yourself only. But after sometimes this loneliness will eat you slowly without letting your know about it. And then you will get to know what heart breaking means actually! It just doesn’t mean you are sad and all it means more than that which you just can’t fame in words!

***********************

An Untold Message from That Stranger:

My love, you have no idea how much I miss you over here and I really didn’t want to break you dream which we made together but you won’t understand from your world in which situation I took that decision! The moment you left my world I am moving with the desolate rhythm of water and I can see the full of sorrow as the sea of sands!

Maybe right now our path was not written for together but someday for sure I will meet you again and that time I won’t see anything but will be with you! I saw how much struggled you have done to go back, trust me I will do more than that to bring you back in my life!

Now my hands are locked and I have none other option to see you cry but the moment I will break this barer, there will be no source of energy in this earth who can stop me to meet you, to hold your hand and fulfill all our dreams which we made together!

Just wait for me and wait for that day when we will go to sleep together, will dream together and next day will make it happen together!!

******************

Another wave came and just takes all the sorrow along with it and just gives us unconditional happiness…

A Known Stranger…

#2^nd part:

At this stage you are making one thing clear to you that you are not going to think about that stranger anymore and you will try your level best to come back alone. The efforts you are putting to come back it feels like you are just walking all against to this ocean which you never felt before when you were with that Stranger!

Now all that hard works and self motivation which is pushing you towards the beach is making you remembered that memorable journey with that stranger which if you want then also can’t remove from your brain! This is the hardest time in life! In reality you are walking alone but from inside you know very well you need that stranger back in your life to pass through this path!

Every second, every moment, from deep inside of your heart only one wish is coming out, maybe or somehow that stranger got lost its way but soon it will come to you! And that’s why in your every steps of forward, you are just looking backward with lots of hope to see that stranger again!

After a while you just went mad by holding too much of pain all alone in your heart and you just started crying like an innocent kid who doesn’t know how to hold on the tears in eyes and smile in front of everyone to pretend you are happy in your life! But you forgot that you are in the ocean and your salty tear drops will melt in it and that stranger won’t be able to understand from where these much water came into that ocean!

After many ups and downs finally you made it! You have come back to your well-known own world with a broken heart and an unforgettable memory! And without taking your permission that stranger made a small space in your world which you can see but you don’t have that much power to throw that stranger out of your life! That’s how everyday you are roaming around alone in your world by keeping that stranger in your broken heart!!

To be continued…

A Known Stranger…

#1^st part:

“You pass people on the street, some are for you, and some are not.”

― Robert Henri

Okay, so as we know stranger can’t be known but sometimes in our life we met some people whom we think we know but then they disappoint you in ways which you never thought they could do!

People say we don’t meet anyone without any reasons! But it’s still not clear to me why should we meet someone when at the end that person will become to just a stranger! And that to a stranger with full of memories!

When this kind of Strangers will come into your life, they will come with full of sudden joy and happiness just like the way waves come in oceans! It will take you along with it to the highest pick of it, when you will start believing and just leave your body along with the mind on it, all of a sudden you will find yourself far away from the beach and no waves will be there to drop you back! The ocean is so quite over here! No waves, no fun and you are all alone standing over here!

At that point of time you will realize one more heart breaking fact, waves which were so friendly with you and brought you over here, are no more known to you! They just went vanish in the middle of that ocean!

Now you will regret why you have trusted those waves when it was brining you over here!

Answer is, you have trusted on them because it was giving you only happiness, no heart breaking nothing! As like others you were also trusty to get the happiness in your life, so you just hold its hand and started walking with it. At the middle of the ocean, you came with it and were dependent on it, never made a mind of move alone! And the moment you have started dreaming to be with it, it just betrayed you!

But now if you want to be alive then you have to move alone! But how you will move alone? You never came so far from your world to here alone! That’s the another heart breaking fact!

Now see! You are trying to concentrate on how to go back to your world again and some random thoughts of those waves are coming into your mind to distract you!

Yes! Those waves which were known to you at a point of time, but now it’s just a STRANGER!!

To be continued…

Failure…A path to Success!!

Everyone said that if u can’t accept the failure, you won’t be able to achieve the success! But no one said how to accept the failure, how to carry yourself towards your success, how to control your emotions when you are totally broke down from inside! That’s the main path to reach towards your success!

After failure when you will try harder to achieve the goal and the moment you will reach there, people will congratulate you but no one will understand what makes you to reach here!

The path from your failure to your success, which is full of patients, hard-work, emotions, depressions, sorrows, won’t be visible to others. They will only see the path was covered with full of petals and was just waiting for you only to put your feet on that.

Your every night hidden tear drops will turn into glory crystals to congratulate you for your success and the deep dark circle under your eyes will be no longer visible in front of the sparks of success! But after celebrating your success when you will come to your world, from where the battle to achieve the success began, will only be able to see that sparks in deep inside of your eyes, and the marks of your dry teardrops which was invisible in front of everyone due to the lights and the glory of your success!!